What Motivates Us?

Is it possible to be ‘dead’ to applause and criticism?

Fame, Prestige, glory and adulation are difficult to handle—especially when they come suddenly. As a young man, I was not capable of handling unexpected fame and glory I received in my work and ministry. But God knew this and He met me in my place of need.

I was returning from a graduation function at Fuller Seminary School of Mission in 1986 after having received an award from the school as “Alumnus of the year”.

I stopped over in Singapore where I got the opportunity to hear a man of God share from His Word. What struck me hardest was what he said about Mary, the one who wiped Jesus’ feet with her hair. Mary did not use her hair, the speaker said, for lack of a towel. Rather, she wanted to serve Jesus with her most glorious asset. Surely, the hair of a woman is something glorious for her, and Mary used it in serving Jesus at His feet. I realized then, that all honors and awards are to be laid at the feet of Jesus. Otherwise they have no meaning.

The opportunities I was given to serve in the United Nations and in the scientific realm were actually God-given privileges to glorify Him. I was selected to do certain things, neither because I am great nor small and insignificant.

These days there is a lot of glamour associated with preachers and Christian organizations. The motivating factor for what we do in ministry, must be spiritual. In most cases, we suffer disappointment when the motivation comes from another source. Temporary applause and ego satisfaction soon vanish. But when we stand behind people and help them minister, we often find that they do a much better job than us. We need to recognize the importance of taking the back row and encouraging others to go forward. What should motivate us in all this is the constraining love of Christ (see 2 Corinthians 5:14).

Fame and Mosquitoes

My interest has always been twofold: first, to serve as a professional scientist, and second, to serve as a helper in spiritual affairs.

When I was actively involved in scientific research, I used to have many opportunities to help people spiritually. Although people are highly educated, I found that they are suffering from a lot of personal and interpersonal problems.

I was able to share certain spiritual principles with them and help them to change their attitude and find fulfillment. I have enjoyed the status and the positions associated with my profession. I also have enjoyed good friendships with my colleagues. It has been very satisfying to travel to many countries, getting to know people of various backgrounds and sharing with them the importance of the spiritual component in life.

In earlier days I was fully satisfied with a seat in a bus or in the unreserved compartment in the train during my travels. But as my status grew, so did my expectations. Just getting someplace wasn’t enough. Soon I was accustomed to first-class travel, and I began to see that as the most enjoyable kind of travel. For so long I had seen various “lucky” people standing in the line for check-in at the international departure areas. I remember thinking: Someday I will be flying to go abroad. When it finally happened, I knew I had arrived.

After a while though, I reached a point when I began to dislike traveling altogether, in spite of all the special assistance and priority services I received. I was simply tired of travel itself. The round-the-world travel several times a year, staying in different places, even in good and clean hotels, receiving the applause of people—these things were no longer a thrill.

Nowadays I try to avoid or limit such international trips. I have learned that these are not the most important things in life. It is all right to enjoy modern travel facilities, accommodation and restaurants. But they are not the things that count. What counts is whether or not these things have anything to do with the Kingdom of God. That’s what is important. I realized that a person is not going to become great by travelling in the first-class section of the plane, neither will one be diminished by traveling in the third-class compartment!

Of course, it may be difficult for those who are used to a particular lifestyle to go down to a lower standard. I still find it difficult to adjust to some things. In the past, for example, I was able to sleep in a room without any ceiling fan in spite of the mosquitoes feeding on me. I would only see the rashes of the mosquito bites the next morning. Nowadays, I find sleeping without a fan a little difficult. Even though my body and my ego might say no to some readjustments, I know I must be willing to accept whatever the Lord provides for me.

Sometimes He provides a room without even a fan. Sometime He provides nice, comfortable, mosquito-proofed and air-conditioned accommodations. I must be willing to accept anything that the Lord gives me—comfort or discomfort, sickness or healing. Whatever the circumstances, I know God’s grace is available in the midst of it. That is where true greatness lies- in seeing everything in the light of the Kingdom goal.

The Lesson of the Butter Dish

Many people have asked me if Elizabeth and I felt strange because we never had an opportunity to know each other before our marriage.

The fact is that we did not feel like strangers. After marriage we began to talk as if we had known each other for many years. Of course, we both had known the same intimate Friend, Jesus Christ. We both desired to copy His character traits in our lives. This God-factor made a difference.

Sadly, many people today leave God-factor out. God is definitely interested in our well-being. He wants to show His greatness through our family. Whatever the psychological makeup of a couple, God has designed every family with great potential to glorify Him.

It is true that many people take factors like health, wealth and status into account when considering marriage. Many think of the God-factor, but only in terms of their own material prosperity. When such people experience material loss, they question God and even blame Him. If we entrust God with anything, we can be assured that everything will be perfect. It may not be perfect according to our terms, but we must remember that we have a limited perspective. God makes everything perfect on His terms.

Coming back to my marriage, I say that it was ‘God-arranged’.

In this context, a God-arranged marriage means an arrangement that involves the ‘Altar Test’. This is when both parties put everything on the altar and give up their rights and expectations. In a way, a God-arranged marriage is like purifying gold in the furnace, where all the unwanted elements burn away, leaving only the best.

Elizabeth and I wanted to seek God’s kingdom first through our lives together. It was a thrilling and encouraging experience to be with friends who sincerely prayed for us and wished us God’s best.

We knew we were going to have an exciting future because we had several friends who had prayed for us. We thought of all the things we could do in the future, with the backing of supportive prayers from sincere friends, a great family heritage, education, and all the abilities God had given us.

We were well received by our friends in the church and our social circle. We were given opportunities to exercise leadership, which helped build our confidence. We felt we had been prepared by God in a special way for each other, and that we were ready to set an example as a deeply spiritual family. After all, we were mature and needed to achieve so much for God through the many opportunities, He had given us. We also sensed the need to get ourselves better equipped for God’s work—although we felt our prayer life and our daily devotional life were strong, at least by normal standards.

Why, then, did some minor matters begin to bother me?

For example, during those early days, we enjoyed a quick breakfast of bread, butter, jam and boiled eggs. It was my habit to cover the butter dish or replace the lid of the jam bottle as soon as I used these items. My wife’s habit, however, was to leave all the lids and covers off, and to close them only when breakfast was over.

I didn’t like to see the butter dish and the jam bottle left open. I did not want to tell Elizabeth about it or force her to change her habits, but I did wish she would close them up the way I liked it!

I decided that the best way to deal with it was to close them gently myself every time I found them left open. I hoped she would follow my good example in a few days. When this didn’t happen, I figured she had not gotten the message. So I began to close the containers more forcefully to produce a good clicking noise! This would let her know that I wanted them closed. But even that failed to change her. My wife still left the jars and butter dish uncovered.

Now what was I supposed to do? Was I going to have to live with such an annoyance all my life? Even after enjoying a nice breakfast, the unclosed lids haunted my thoughts. I began to think about the lids even while I travelled to my office. She did not close them! She did not have the sense to follow what I wanted! Why can’t she close them?

I began to get worked up and irritated—and once even ended up getting on the wrong bus. My frustration continued to bother me even after I reached work. It affected my thinking process, and I began to ask question like: “Why did God give me this kind of wife? What happened to the prayers of so many friends? Is this the kind of wife God wanted me to have?”

It’s amazing how easily we come to believe that our foundations are being shaken. We need to recognize that God has many ways of speaking to us. I learned from C.S. Lewis’s book, The Problem of Pain, that God sometimes uses pain as a kind of megaphone to get our attention when He wants to speak to us.

In this situation, God spoke to me and taught me some great and valuable lessons. In the midst of my agitation, he answered my angry questions. But the answer was far different from what I had expected. He told me, “Until you change your attitude, your wife will continue to keep the butter dish and jam opened. Until you stop getting agitated and view your wife differently, she will not close them!”

Now I could see more clearly what was happening.

I had been saying that I wanted to accomplish God’s purpose in my life. God was testing my desire to accomplish His purposes by giving me the ‘right’ kind of wife—one who would help me to see my own weaknesses and faults. God wanted to develop my personality, and He provided the right kind of tool with that purpose in mind. He was using my wife as a precious tool in His hands to chip away the rough edges of my personality. My pastor could not do it. My mentor could not do it. My supervisor at work could not do it. The best tool God could use was my own wife. Therefore, I should not get worked up when I go through hard times. Instead, I must say, “Thank you Lord for my wife!”

It wasn’t long before my wife discovered the very same truth, especially when I behaved contrary to her expectations. She also began to thank God for me. (she probably had to thank God more often, because of my rough and selfish nature!) Before marriage, we were two; after marriage we became one. We both benefited from being used as God’s tool on each other.

Arriving Home

My wife Elizabeth devoted twenty-nine years of her life to caring for the children. She fell ill in the course of her struggle to sustain them, and she died of polymyocitis at age of fifty-six.

We had noticed signs of this illness five years prior to her death, and tried to do the best for her without hindering her desire to serve the children. It was indeed a great struggle for her, especially while handling boys with breathlessness, vomiting and diarrhea. She used to keep awake for days to give them suction, oxygen, inhalation therapy and artificial respiration. It required constant vigil.

The prolonged exhaustion and stress wore her down, producing muscle paralysis and associated problems. But she continued caring for the children until she could no longer swallow and had to go on nasal feed. She did not want to leave the children to be away in hospital, so we treated her at home under the care of specialists. She was hospitalized only during the last eighteen days of her life.

When Elizabeth was moved to the intensive care unit, the health of Johny and Ronnie also worsened and so they too were hospitalized. At the same time, my father was admitted to another hospital owing to a heart problem.

The doctors gave her the best treatment possible in Kerala, and all those who prayed for her did so in the expectant hope of her recovery. But God answered our prayers differently.

She was totally bed-ridden, with tubes inserted for nasal feeding. On the day she became fifty-six years old, a month before her death, we gave her a birthday card signed by me and the children. Although she was immobilized and uncomfortable with muscle pain, she carefully looked at the birthday card and commented: “I know today is my birthday, and I choose to be happy”. There was no reason for her to be happy that day. Infact she was writhing in pain. It was her choice to be glad. She did not accept God’s will in her life with a long, disappointed face. Rather she always had an assurance that flowed from the gentle touch of God’s loving hand.

Elizabeth was so firm in her faith that she always took part in the business of the kingdom, whether at the office or in caring for the children. Along with her personal involvement in ministry, she strongly supported me. I was able to go around the world several times a year only because of her. All who know our situation will acknowledge that she bore the brunt of our suffering and afflictions. Yet she never complained.

I have seen her spending time in prayer not only during family devotions or during times of great need, but also in the quietness of the night. Her personal devotion and meditation on God’s Word were the secrets of her strength. Her singing voice was comforting to the children and me. She was fond of teaching Scripture songs to children.

Although she lived on this planet only for fifty-six years, Elizabeth did more work than an ordinary person would have done with twice the lifespan. What she needed was rest. God in His wisdom opted not to heal her physically. Finally, He called her to eternal rest on 26^th November, 1998.

It was a very difficult task for me to go and tell Johny and Ronnie about their mother’s death. She was everything to them. Before her body was moved to the mortuary, I went to their hospital room and quietly told the boys that it had pleased the Lord to call her Home. Immediately, Johny replied “God must have felt that it was good for Mommy to be called Home”. Ronnie nodded his head in affirmation. The Lord gave them enduring peace, the peace that passes all human understanding. This peace is available to all of us today.